I wasn’t sure what to expect in India. I knew it was hot but we lived through all the heat wave warnings and survived! I knew it had a large population so therefore lots of traffic. I knew their Vindaloo was spicy.

Our first port was Kochi (Cochin) on the south west coast. Arriving to a very pleasant 42 degrees and 100% humidity and we’re doing an organised tour by bus with a small group. Yes they have tuk tuk’s but I was well and truly tuk tuk’d and templed out.

It’s part of the state of Kerala and is the commercial, financial, and industrial capital of the state. Again a lot of history from centuries ago. On the bus my first impression was hey they have well made roads and traffic wasn’t too congested but the same rules apply to driving anywhere in India! Good brakes, a good horn and good luck! In fact I wonder if you could even drive in India if you’re deaf. You really need to be able to hear that horn! There were some very palatial homes but also contrasted with those homes that looked like they were used as rubbish dumps. The poles of electrical and phone wires were just like any third world country, a mess.

Our first stop was a centuries old church which had undergone several religious transformations. It is the oldest Christian church in any of the Commonwealth countries built in 1503. My ears pricked up when the tour guide mentioned the explorer Vasco Da Gama. I remember learning about this explorer in my early school years. Apparently he died in this city in 1524 and his empty coffin was in the church as his body was sent back to his home in Lisbon, Portugal 14 years later.

Next stop was Fort Kochi which became a Fort in 1341. There isn’t a fort here anymore but is popular with the tourists. It is right on the water and markets abound. The other thing you see here are the Chinese fishing nets. They are huge nets right on the shore and work with a counter balance. The nets are lowered for about 10 minutes and then counterbalanced back up where the fishermen deal with their catch.

I had never been to a synagogue… until now. It seems so crazy that they have this synagogue to cater for 14 people of the Jewish faith but it has been catering for the Jewish community here since 1568. They are all aged over 70 so I’m not sure how much longer this establishment will remain open but I’m sure Jew Town Road shopping and markets will always be there.

Next was a high tea which I was hoping would satisfy my sweet tooth cravings. We were given a peppery cumin spiced chicken cutlet and a dish known as Ela Ada which is rice flour, grated coconut and palm sugar steamed and cooked and served in a banana leaf. It was tasty but not what I was expecting with my cup of tea.

We finished with a sunset sail around the harbour on an almost seaworthy barge with loose plastic chairs and not a glass of bubbles to be seen. However, it was more comfortable than the very overcrowded commuter ferry next to us with wall to wall bikes, cars and people hanging on for dear life! The cloudy smog filled sky didn’t give us our sunset and instead the tour guide kept us amused with his tales.

Back in the ship’s theatre we were treated to an Indian Folkloric dance display. During the Bollywood segment I was thinking I could do that but Ruthie soon set me straight and said it was the red wine effect.

Our new dinner friends, Alan and Kathy, from Vancouver Island, Canada have travelled extensively. They invited us to join them in a taxi to explore our next port of call. Kathy negotiated beautifully and we were soon in a taxi on our way to old Goa on the west coast of India on the Arabian Sea. On the way we stopped at a Hindu temple which was a beautiful white marble construction unlike the colourful ones we had seen so far. I had to agree it was just stunning.

The freeway was quite good and traffic moved smoothly. Again, amongst all the palatial homes were people living rough and garbage was spread everywhere. If India has the world’s biggest population then it must also have the world’s biggest dog population. Every home seemed to have at least 3 dogs and throw in the odd cow and goat for good measure.

Old Goa streets were lined with market stalls all trying every trick in the book to sell their wares. After visiting a couple of churches that were centuries old (UNESCO World Heritage Sites of Bom Jesus Basilica and St Francis Xavier) we travelled to Panjim which is the capital of the state.

It’s here you can see the Portuguese influence with all the colourful old houses.

The Portuguese ruled over Goa for over 450 years and only ended in 1961. As we drove past the marketplace, the fragrant aroma from the spices wafted through the taxi. It made a nice change from the body odour that resulted from the suppressive heat and the exhaust fumes.

Our next port is Mumbai formerly known as Bombay. Mumbai is a huge sprawling city along the waterfront and it’s this city that’s known for Bollywood. Kathy (Canadian friend) soon weaved her magic and we were in a taxi that dropped us at the Gateway of India stone arch monument at the Harbour front.

Then a ferry onto Elephanta Island where we were to explore the caves. I didn’t fancy falling off the ferry into the dingy brown waters. Once on the island there was a long stair climb to the top. Some tourists paid to be a carried up in a chair and boy did I feel sorry for the Indian men doing the carrying. Most things here are cheap but that ride cost about $US25 one way. The 4 men carrying the overweight tourists earnt every cent. The funny thing I found with Indian tourist attractions is that you pay an entrance fee and then you have to pay another fee to actually see it. So if you don’t pay the 2nd fee you’re stuck in no mans land!

The seven Elephanta Caves are both Hindu and Buddhist prayer sites carved out of rock and date back to the 5th century and dedicated to Lord Shiva. They were very well preserved ancient monuments.

On our return from the island, I noticed Mumbai had come to life. The streets were crowded, the traffic noise was a symphony of horns, market stalls were open all accompanied by a layer of searing heat. The market shopping is cheap. Fridge magnets and bangles 30 rupees (about 50 Cents) and a Nike cap for $2.

Ruthie was disappointed that we couldn’t do the Taj Mahal but I did take her to the next best thing, the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel. We walked in as though we owned the place and our extensive tour of this glamorous hotel only stopped at the pool area when we couldn’t provide a room number. With all the chaos that was happening in the heat outside, the marble floored air conditioned hotel gave us a short respite. (And a western toilet!)

A short stroll and a stop at a food vendor for a Paneer puff and the heat had won. Getting a taxi back to the ship from the non tourist area was proving difficult. An English speaking local came to our aid. We were remarkably close but the first few taxis had no idea where we needed to go.

Our ship was docked overnight in Mumbai so the next morning, off we went again for some sightseeing. They love their cricket in India. As it was Sunday locals were not working. Our taxi had to swerve all the street cricket games. At one stage Ruthie put her hand out of the window and nearly took the catch of the century! The ball bounced off the taxi roof and the batter was given not out. Here I was thinking all the dings and dents in the taxis were from hitting other vehicles.

We spent some time at the railway station built in 1878 and it was fascinating to see all the action. The station is UNESCO world heritage listed and one of the busiest stations in the world with more than 3 million commuters each day. Every train carriage had a description as to whom could travel in that carriage. Pregnant women had their own carriage as did cancer patients and lots of other variations including First class which didn’t look any different and definitely not comfortable.

Although it was hot, it was fun walking through the back streets to the port. We came across fashion street which was an endless line of small market stalls all competing for your business. In fact I don’t think there’s anything you can’t source on the streets of Mumbai. The poor don’t own razors so can get a shave, shoeshine or even a haircut right there on the road side! Out of that chaos and in shabby little lanes, chic and exclusive clothing boutiques were dotted between very ordinary housing. Sadly we passed some child beggars who were very persistent. We were told that this a common organised scam as the children worked for pimps and are often mutilated to gain more sympathy and therefore more money. It broke our hearts. Evidently, there are 60,000 millionaires living in Mumbai but you wouldn’t know.

Many of the ships crew are from India or the Philippines. This is an unusual itinerary rarely visited by cruise ships so Royal Caribbean gave crew from these countries the opportunity to invite family on board. What a great opportunity to show where you work, catch up with family and eat a delicious lunch. 300 family members enjoyed a day on board in Mumbai.

I have to tell you about Indian immigration. All cruise passengers had to do face to face immigration on the ship even before we made it to India. Our photos and fingerprints were taken as well as our passports. In exchange we were given an A4 size Visa. Well that Visa must have been checked by officials about 100 times during our 3 ports of call in India. It was laughable as sometimes at the harbour terminal, I might have proceeded 20 metres before my Visa was checked again. Considering the population of India and the effort and resources of Indian immigration, it really wouldn’t be noticeable if some people stayed or left would it? Babies are born and people die in the slums and the authorities have no way of knowing the current population.

We were in India on Labour Day and witnessed many political processions. Voting in the general elections was occurring but we heard on the news that voting numbers were down due to the extreme heatwave.

I closed my eyes as I lay on my deck chair and started thinking about the Portuguese, Dutch and British sailors who had sailed the Malaca Strait and Arabian sea trading their wares for the spices and teas from these countries we had just visited. The air was warm and the sea calm. Our taste of India showed it to be a melting pot of cultures. A blast from the ship’s horn awoke me and I realised I had been “O” ing. This is our cruising term for those cruisers who have fallen asleep and formed an “O” with their mouth. The expert snoozers can form a “Q” where there tongue is hanging out as well.

Enough. Let’s sail on out of the murky brown waters of India to the blue oceans of the Gulf.